shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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