Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
