just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
