the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
