i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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