now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
