Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
