How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
