god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
