normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Randomize
