Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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