she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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