I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
