I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
