Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
