Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
