In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
