thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
