The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
