I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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