I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
