dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
