I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
