She is in my trunk
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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