she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
