Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
