I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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