i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I could make wine with my vomit
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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