something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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