Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
