she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
