we have pet lesbian snakes
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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