Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
