im about as happy as oj after his trial
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
