my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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