he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
