Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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