so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
