I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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