i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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