You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
