why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
