Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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