im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
