It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
