so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
