I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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