If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
