I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
