is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
