Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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