if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
