Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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